


Hyperfocus

by ViviWrites



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Brain Parasite, F/F, Psychotic break, i'm not that evil, nobody dies don’t worry
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-17
Updated: 2019-06-04
Packaged: 2019-07-13 09:49:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 10,649
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16015418
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ViviWrites/pseuds/ViviWrites
Summary: Alex drowsily cocoons herself in the hospital blanket and nestles herself into Maggie's chest, and Maggie stills for a moment.She doesn't even breathe, but she does shift her focus to Alex's face.Despite the events earlier that day, she looks peaceful.Maggie bites her lips as her nostrils flare and her eyes begin to fill with tears.After a few seconds, Maggie breathes out ever so slowly and wraps a loving arm around her ex-fiancé.And she cries.And she cries.Because she knows the effect Alex has on her is something she'll never be able to shake off.And now, despite how bad she feels about it, she thinks she might hate that.





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> TRIGGER WARNING: Suicidal thoughts and graphic depictions of self-harm. Scenes will be marked. **•••**

When she sees Alex standing in the middle of the bullpen, she doesn't know what to think.

 

What she doesn't expect is for her to put a gun to her own head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To be continued.
> 
> ...
> 
> _Hi, I'm here to excersise my writing skills and explore the dark and gritty._


	2. Missed Calls

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In the Bullpen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING: Suicidal thoughts and graphic depictions of self-harm. Scenes will be marked. **•••**

 

“Yo, Sawyer!”

 

Maggie turns around at her name and arches an eyebrow in question.

 

“You coming back to the precinct to throw on some fresh clothes or are you planning to sleep in those?”

Maggie looks down as if she’s just realized what she’s wearing. Her entire body is covered in a thin layer of gray dust and her jeans are damp with alien fluids. She wipes at her cheek.

 

“Would you not?” she jokes, which makes Rodriguez, her partner, and a few other officers around the scene laugh.

 

He beckons her over by waving a hand and she walks to him, ducking under the tape, “Let another detective handle this, you've been up since last night. You can ride with me, I saw your cruiser get soaked in that goop.”

 

Maggie deflates at that, “Yeah, I’m definitely not leaving the windows open next time,” she pauses, “ _Damn_ , I just got it detailed. I got nothing to impress the captain with now.”

 

Rodriguez pats her on the back, leading her to his car, “Don’t worry, I got you, girl. Next one's on me."

 

“Really? Thanks! I'd really appreciate that. But—" Maggie glares at him, “—I just have to say, if you had  _paid attention_ during the briefing, you would have known to avoid the _gigantic yellow sac_  in the center of the alien's chest. That's a hundred dollars down the drain!”

 

“I did pay attention,” he argues, scoffing, “I just… forgot. I was in the heat of the moment, you know how that is.”

 

She steps over a pool of goop that spewed out of the alien’s stomach and gags at the smell.

 

"Yeah, I do, but you don't see me making rookie mistakes like that," she says, "You're in the Science Division, we gotta be on point, especially when we don't know what we're dealing with. One slip, an accidental touch—anything—and we could end up six feet under."

 

She looks up at the gray sky and feels a drop of water on her nose, her hand.

 

It begins to drizzle.

Rodriguez nods, "You're right, I gotta work on my impulsivity. Its benefits are debatable at times. Anyway, thank god all that stuff did was release a wretched smell and _this._ " He runs a hand through his hair and when he pulls it back, webs of slime stretch from his hand to the side of his head. It drips down the front of his windbreaker and he shakes the stuff off.  “Ugh, I feel disgusting."

 

Maggie grimaces, feeling something cold run into her boots that make her socks squelch every step. Her toes curl for warmth, “You're telling me.”

 

Her phone begins to vibrate in her pocket. She claps her hands together to get rid of some of the debris from her hands and carefully unzips a pocket in her windbreaker and pulls out her cell. She comes to a halt when she sees who it is.

 

_Little Danvers_

 

She completely forgot to change it to Kara after her and Alex...

 

She looks up to find her partner looking at her in confusion, “You good?” he asks, “Your face…”

 

“Yeah, yeah. Don’t worry about it,” her cell stops ringing, she glances at the screen and before a _Missed Call_ notification can pop up, it starts ringing again.

 

_Winn_

 

She looks up at Rodriguez, “You can go ahead, gotta take this,” she wiggles her phone in her hand. He nods and keeps walking, glancing back at her once before entering his car that he parked next to Chinese place.

 

She picks up the phone.

 

“Hello?”

 

_“Maggie! Thank goodness!”_

 

Maggie sighs and swipes a hand over her eyebrow.“What’s going on, Winn?”

 

_“It’s Alex.”_

 

At that, Maggie's heart stutters.

 

Winn continues speaking, _“She was in her lab and one of the tech assistants broke a vi—"_

 

The call drops.

 

“Hello? Winn?”

 

No answer.

 

Maggie pulls her phone away from her ear worriedly.

 

Okay, she may have been trying to forget everything about Alex, her sister, and their little crew, but that doesn’t mean she wanted anything bad to happen to them. Despite everything with Alex…

 

She cares.

 

Maggie huffs irritably.

 

She still cares about all of them, especially Alex.

 

She straightens her back and rolls her shoulders.

 

They’ll be fine.

 

They were fine without her when Pestilence wreaking havoc in the city when Reign wasn't. They were fine without her when Alex was on her deathbed— _and, yes, she knows about that._

 

... They’re fine without her now.

 

Her lip wobbles for a moment, but before she can think about it too much, she shakes her head and stuffs her phone back into her pocket.

 

It begins to vibrate again, but she doesn't pick it up.

 

She loved Alex—she still does—but she's not going to come running at her every beck and call to sort out her problems.

 

She’s done it before and she's not doing it again.

 

She can't, not right now.

 

* * *

 

When she gets to the car, she shuts her personal cell off. 

 

The rain gets heavier, and minus the sound of it barraging the windows, the ride with Rodriguez is silent.

 

He doesn't prod.

 

* * *

They're the first to get to the precinct.

 

They part and go to their own lockers to change.

When Maggie is finished changing into a white shirt and some comfortable NCPD sweatpants, she takes her duffel bag and exits the locker room.

 

Rodriguez is at the door waiting for her.

 

"I know that something is bothering you, and I know that our relationship barely extends beyond the boundaries of work but," he takes a calming breath, "I just want to let you know I'm here for you. If you ever need me. If you have no one else to talk to."

 

Maggie smiles at him, "Okay."

 

"Okay?"

 

"Yeah," she says, walking forward and nudging him in the shoulder when she passes him, "I'll tell you when."

 

"Great! Yeah, that's great."

 

He jogs a bit until he catches up with her.

 

"You know, I have a dog."

 

"Oh yeah? I love dogs."

 

"Yeah? I'll bring him over sometime. His shoulders are _great_ to cry on."

 

Maggie laughs, "I bet they are," she smiles a little nostalgically, "I almost got one too, you know. A German Shepherd, what do you got?"

 

She turns to Rodriguez when he doesn't answer.

 

He's standing in the middle of the narrow hallway, frozen, and she walks back a few steps to him.

 

"What's wrong?" Then, Maggie looks in the same direction he's looking and she freezes.

 

Alex, haloed by the fluorescent light above her, is standing by her desk in the bullpen, looking at a photo of her and her colleagues.

 

"Isn't that..." his sentence trails off.

 

Maggie takes a few steps forward.

 

Something feels off. The air in the building is too cold, and it makes Maggie's every breath a little uncomfortable to take.

 

“Alex?” she calls to her.

 

She looks up.

 

"Maggie," Alex says, and it reminds the detective of timbre she used when Maggie arrived at the bar during the Daxamite Invasion. 

 

She puts her bag down and takes a few more steps forward. Rodriguez stays back, feeling like he's intruding, but something tells him to stay put.

 

It's just them two.

 

Alex cages her face with her hands, that's when Maggie notices the gun in Alex's hand, “I'm sorry.”

 

“What? For what?” She says it softly, afraid that if she speaks too loudly, the entire world will be thrown off balance.

 

“I’m sorry for what I did,” Alex says and her expression twists in a way Maggie recognizes, “I’m sorry I left you alone,” she starts to cry and gasp for air between every other word, “I k-keep thinking about it, I can’t stop thinking about it, and I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry. I can't get it out of my head!” As Alex starts to go into hysterics, Maggie puts her hands up in caution and walks closer.

 

“It's okay, Alex, it's okay. Just don't...”

 

She knows that something is really wrong, she just doesn’t know what. Although they’ve spent almost a year apart, she’s sure there’s no way that Alex would have just started to act this way out of the blue.

 

She was fine.

 

She knows that.

 

She saw Alex a week ago, on the news. Kara was going against another freak that tried to take over the city, and she saw Alex by her side.

 

Strong, powerful, together.

 

Maybe Maggie shouldn't assume, but something is just _off_. What _is_ it?

 

When she’s a few yards away from her, Maggie stops walking towards the frazzled DEO agent. Maggie frowns and squints at Alex’s face.

 

A few veins often peek through Alex's skin whenever she's pale, Maggie knows that. It's information that has become ingrained in her mind like a lot of details about Alex.

 

So she knows her veins have definitely never shifted and moved like infesting tendrils that have a mind of their own.

 

Near her temple, Alex's veins, dark, almost black, pulse and gradually branch out underneath Alex's skin.

 

_ What the fuck? _

 

•••

 

And then Alex lifts her hand and puts a gun to her head.

 

Rodriguez jolts but he still doesn't move.

 

Pinpricks run through Maggie's entire body.

 

“Alex? What…”

 

Maggie has done this before, she’s talked someone off the edge a million times. In a split second, she tries to detach herself from the fact that it’s Alex whose life is on the line—someone who she almost vowed to spend her life together with—and talk her down.

 

"I slept with someone else."

 

Okay, not what she was expecting. Maggie's cheeks flame with a sort of embarrassment, but she knows now is not the time to turn around to explain her engagement was not broken off because of infidelity.

 

"I keep making mistakes," Alex adds.

 

"It's okay, sweetie, it's okay," Maggie says. She starts to move again, barely walking an inch every step.

 

"No, it's not." Alex looks down and tears start to fall down her face.

 

"Yes it is, you know why?" Maggie asks as if the situation wasn't as dire as it is, "We all make mistakes. All of us. Me too."

 

Alex looks up and her eyes pierce Maggie's, "It was the worst day of your life?"

 

"No," Maggie lies, "No. I'm okay. Alex, I need you to put—"

 

"I don't want to do this anymore."

 

A few more steps.

 

Alex has a deathly grip on the gun. Her hand shifts.

 

"You have to, _you have to_. This isn't going to make things better, this is going to hurt people you care about. Don't do this, it'll hurt Kara, Winn, J'onn, James..." Pause. "It'll hurt me, don't do this. _For me._ "

 

"I am, I _am_. I don't want you to _hurt_ anymore." Alex points the barrel of the gun up and places it under her jaw, a surefire way to—

 

Maggie jumps—her and Alex stumble a few steps to the side as Maggie pushers the barrel away from the both of them and the people behind her—and it goes off, shooting a round into the ceiling.

 

Officers clamber into the bullpen, but they stay back, not wanting to get caught in an accidental crossfire.

 

"Stop it, let _go_!"

 

Alex pushes Maggie away, but she has an iron grip on her arm. Then, Alex kicks her leg into Maggie's stomach, which makes her bend over in pain, but not release her.

 

Maggie uses both of her hands to twist Alex's wrist so she drops the gun.

 

It clatters to the floor and she tries to kick it away but misses when Alex's flailing drags her too many steps forward. Maggie maneuvers to the side and kicks at the back of Alex's legs so she has time to get a good grip of her arms behind her.

 

There's no doubt that Alex is frantic, Maggie knows from personal experience that in the right frame of mind, Alex would have her on the floor in a heartbeat. 

 

“Let me go! _Let me go_! _Let me die._ ” Alex screams, her voice painfully grating in her throat. She fights, kicking and punching, flailing her limbs around desperately until she suddenly whips her head back, striking Maggie straight in the nose.

 

“Agh, _coño!_ —Can someone fucking _help me_?” Maggie yells, frantic and eyes filling with tears,  _frustrated_ that she even has to tell her coworkers to intervene at this point.

 

She hears a few pairs of footsteps coming towards her, but she doesn't up look to see who they belong to.

 

She gets an arm around Alex’s front and over her head protectively before pushing forward, purposefully tumbling them both to the floor. Maggie’s face ends up in the junction between Alex’s shoulder and the side of her head. She feels Alex shifting beneath her and she does her best to keep her down. And then she hears Rodriguez yell her name.

 

 

 

" _Maggie, the gun! You fell on the gun!_ "

 

 

 

Then she hears a gunshot.

 

 

 

And then she sees blood pooling in front of her eyes.

 

 

 

And it’s spreads beneath her and seeps into the cracks between the sterile white tiles.

 

 

 

And even though she knows who it’s coming from, she’s terrified to confirm it.

 

 

 

She unburies her hand from beneath Alex's body and grasps her arm.

 

“…Alex?”

 

No response. Not even a twitch.

 

Then she feels something warm and sticky pool into the hand that was cradling Alex’s head from impacting the floor.

 

And then she starts to scream, but she still doesn’t look.

 

“ _Oh my_ —Alex! _Alex_! No, no, no, no, no!”

 

She buries her head in Alex's shoulder and she begins to gasp for air. Her insides begin to boil, her mind blanks. She hears people talking, but she doesn’t know what they’re saying, _she doesn't know what they're saying_ , she can't _hear_. Suddenly, she’s roughly torn away from Alex’s back, and she starts kicking and screaming.

 

“No! Let go of me! Oh my god, oh my god…” Hyperventilating, Maggie looks at her hands, her shirt. They’re bloody, they're bloody and she knows that it came from Alex—And Alex is—

 

Her vision goes white.

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To be continued.
> 
> ...
> 
> _Hi, I'm here to excersise my writing skills and explore the dark and gritty._


	3. I’m Here

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Five and a half hours. That's when they get the news. Alex is okay.
> 
> ...
> 
> But is she really? Maggie can't help but worry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING: Suicidal thoughts and graphic depictions of self-harm. Scenes will be marked. **•••**

 

She woke up in National City General an hour ago.

 

She didn't hit the floor when she fainted, but Alex did nail her pretty hard in the face. So hard that her eyes crossed and she probably has a concussion.

 

"Now, backward."

 

The doctor hovers her hand over Maggie's arm as she puts one foot behind the other. She does her best to walk in a straight line.

 

"Now, close your eyes."

 

.

.

.

 

_They're on the couch._

 

_Alex sits up with Maggie's head in her lap, combing her fingers through Maggie's long hair._

 

The Perfect Murder _plays on the TV. Volume low to not disturb their neighbors._

 

_Not that they haven’t done it before._

 

_With very different noises._

 

_“Who wouldn’t leave someone after that? 'Hey, I know that all my ex-husbands are dead, but I swear, those were all accidents.'”_

 

 _“Idiots. Lovesick, money-hungry idiots who aren't as smart as_ I _am,” Maggie says, making Alex giggle._

_Maggie shifts, turning her head into Alex’s stomach. She wraps the blanket tightly around her, fists curling under her chin._

 

_"Sometimes, I'm scared you're going to leave me."_

 

_She mumbles it into Alex's shirt, but her fiancé hears her loud and clear. The hand in her hair pauses._

 

_"Maggie, look at me," Alex says, cupping her cheek._

 

_At the gentle touch, Maggie unburies her face from Alex's shirt just enough so one eye can peek at her, she continues, "I love you."_

 

_"I know..."_

 

_Maggie closes her eyes for a moment, searching._

 

_"But?"_

 

_Alex's thumb caresses her cheek tenderly. She opens her eyes._

 

_"You can still leave someone if you love them."_

 

 _"Well," Alex says, lifting Maggie's head off her lap and laying next to her, "Know that I_ never _want to be without you."_

 

_Maggie smiles, blushing abashedly. She lifts the blanket so Alex could join her._

 

_She does, and she wraps her in her arms. Maggie sighs, warm breath washing over Alex's neck._

 

_"Ah, comfy. Very comfy."_

 

_Maggie laughs and kisses her sweetly, slowly._

 

 _"I never want to be without_ you _."_

 

.

.

.

 

"Besides the swelling and bruising around your nose and left eye, you're completely fine. No concussion. And, your fainting spell were determined to be due to emotional stress."

 

Numb, Maggie nods.

 

"If you have any other symptoms, such as vertigo, migraines, or trouble focusing, I strongly encourage you to come back in," the doctor hands Maggie an ice pack and dismisses her.

 

She leaves the examination room but doesn't leave the hospital. She takes the elevator two floors up and walks to the surgical waiting room.

 

Kara's there.

 

They barely acknowledge each other.

 

A quick glance.

 

They don't even speak.

 

Maggie sits next to her. She bites at her thumb and focuses on the little things to ground her.

 

The buzz of the TV display. The sound of the fish tank filter across the room. The smell of hand sanitizer in the air. The ugly patterns that are sewn on the carpeting. The tick of the old analog clock hanging on the wall above her.

 

Kara reaches over and puts a hand on her arm. Maggie clasps it in her own.

 

A minute later, Winn shows up with four bottles of water in his hand. He places one in front of Maggie and one in front of Kara.

 

J'onn follows him, not too far behind.

 

He drops a quick kiss on the crown her head and momentarily grasps her shoulder before sitting next to Kara. Winn sits next to Maggie and holds her free hand.

 

Five and a half hours have passed when they finally get news.

 

But even before that, Kara gasps in relief.

 

"She's okay, she's okay."

 

It's more to herself than anyone else.

 

The success of the surgery gives Maggie nowhere near as much comfort.

 

The grip she has on Winn and Kara's hands tighten.

 

She looks up at J'onn, who stares back at her with grave understanding.

 

Because _Is she really?_

 

* * *

 

Alex is transferred from NCGH to the DEO right after the bullet was removed from her shoulder.

 

Whatever Alex has invaded her system, it's alien. The surgeons realize that quickly and leave the 'FBI' to handle the rest.

 

Winn tells her that Alex's assistant dropped a few vials containing unfamiliar organisms that were sampled during a rescue deep underground.

 

Most of them were harmless. Medicinal plants. Symbiotic bacteria.

 

 

One was a parasite.

 

 

It crawled beneath her skin, invading her body as easily as an octopus can a pinhole.

 

J'onn realized it pretty quickly.

 

"We tried to figure it out together. We spent days examining its actions. Her demeanor changed along the way," he says, "Her emotions started to spiral negatively. I could feel it, but I couldn't hear anything."

 

Winn nods, "And that thing on her face, it kept... growing," he adds.

 

"I was on my way to the Fortress of Solitude to find more answers, but—" Kara stops to wipe a sleeve under her nose, "I didn't even make it there before Alex..."

 

Maggie twitches.

 

_"I don't want to do this anymore."_

 

_She feels Alex shifting beneath her._

 

_A gunshot._

 

_Blood._

 

She doesn't know how to feel.

 

She's sad.

 

She's angry.

 

She's tired.

 

She's heartbroken.

 

She's _pissed_.

 

So when Kara comes to her, saying things that she doesn't want to hear—from her, at least, and definitely not now—she snaps.

 

* * *

 

Alex was placed in a private room in the med-bay. Impenetrable opaque walls replaced the usual bulletproof glass.

 

Maggie sits next to her bed in a comfortable computer chair. The DEO doesn't usually family visitors, so.

 

A overhead light bathes Alex's body in a cool blue, making her lips look dark purple. Winn told her it's some fancy, restorative, medicinal tech from the future. Alex has to wear a cast with it when she's spent enough time under it.

 

She's missed a lot, apparently.

 

She hates how lifeless it makes Alex look.

 

Maggie hasn't slept for almost two days. She's getting delirious, she thinks.

 

Sometimes she sees white dots floating around her, and when she closes her eyes, she still sees them, whirling around like snow.

 

She turns when she hears the familiar clack of Kara's Supergirl boots.

 

"She misses you, you know," she says.

 

She's leaning against the room's doorframe.

 

Maggie doesn't move.

 

Kara takes a seat next to her.

 

"She's told me she regrets what she did. That you’re always on her mind. And about kids—"

 

" _Kara_ , I don't want to talk about this right now."

 

She uselessly shields her ears with her hands.

 

"I just... I know you guys broke up because of... I want you to know how Alex feels. She's too afraid to tell you herself, and I'm afraid that she'll never gather the courage to—"

 

"Stop. Just _stop_."

 

_"I keep making mistakes."_

 

"Maggie, I know—"

 

Kara puts a hand on her shoulder, this time, Maggie shrugs it off.

 

"No, you don't know _anything_ ," Maggie says, turning to Kara, "About me. About us. You weren't _there_. What about _me_? What about how _I_ feel?"

 

Kara opens her mouth, but shuts it, not knowing what to say.

 

She looks down, gathering her thoughts, licking her lips.

 

"I'm her sister, I just want to help—"

 

Maggie stops her right there, standing up.

 

"And I was her _fiancé_. We both care about her, we _both_ want best for her. Don't make this a goddamn _contest,_ " she spits.

 

Kara pulls her head back in shock.

 

The fire to fight withers from Maggie's body and she sighs, sitting back down and putting her head in her hands.

 

She knows Kara didn't mean it like that.

 

But all she can think about is Alex. And when it comes to Alex, she can't think straight.

 

She's transported back in time.

 

The abduction.

 

The proposal.

 

The breakup.

 

The last time they—

 

"I'm sorry. I just—please, just _please_ give me _one minute_ to _think_."

 

She can’t do it anymore. Her head is pounding.

 

Maggie hears a siren go off outside and it hurts her ears. She screws her eyes shut.

 

The chair creaks as Kara gets up.

 

She leaves without another word, heels clacking behind her.

 

Maggie listens to the beep of the heart monitor.

 

_Beep._

 

Despite her better judgment, she eases on top of the bed carefully dodging the IV that's inserted into Alex's hand.

 

_Beep._

 

Under the light, her skin turns blue.

 

_Beep._

 

The bug—the parasite, whatever it is—is still inside of her. And now that she's close, Maggie sees the dark veins slightly protrude on Alex's face. She trails a finger over them, and at her touch, the redhead shifts. The sound of the heart monitor becomes white noise to her ears.

 

Alex drowsily cocoons herself in the hospital blanket and nestles herself into Maggie's chest, and Maggie stills for a moment.

 

She doesn't even breathe, but she does shift her focus to Alex's face.

 

Despite the events earlier that day, she looks peaceful.

 

Maggie bites her lips as her nostrils flare and her eyes begin to fill with tears.

 

After a few seconds, Maggie breathes out ever so slowly and wraps a loving arm around her ex-fiancé.

 

And she cries.

 

And she cries.

 

Because she knows the effect Alex has on her is something she'll never be able to shake off.

 

And now, despite how bad she feels about it, she thinks she might hate that.

 

She whispers.

 

_"I'm here."_

 

_Beep._

 

_"I'm here."_

 

_Beep._

 

_"I'm here."_

 

_Beep._

 

 

 

She falls asleep like that, under the thin sheets, Alex’s head on her chest.

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To be continued.
> 
> ...
> 
> _Hi, I'm here to excersise my writing skills and explore the dark and gritty._


	4. I Must be Dreaming

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex wakes, and Kara and Maggie talk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING: Suicidal thoughts and graphic depictions of self-harm. Scenes will be marked. **•••**

 

_Alex says she has a certain air about her. A certain stride in her step, a certain aroma that she can never escape._

 

_She can sense her from a mile away, she says._

 

_So, Maggie's surprised Alex doesn't greet her at the door when she gets home. Instead, it's the light scent of laundry detergent in the air that fills her nostrils rather than Alex's perfume._

 

_Alex should be pulling her into a kiss right about now. A really nice one, slow and soft that says, "You're safe. You're home."_

 

_It's rule, law, a fundamental need._

 

_It's them._

 

_Maggie locks the door behind her with a few discreet clicks and scans the apartment for her fiancé, and she spots her in their bed. Alex is facing away from her, a book under her nose, her hair wet._

 

_It's then that something childish flourishes in Maggie's chest._

 

_She quietly unclips her gun from her waist, fastens it with a trigger lock and places it in the safe-drawer by the door. She closes it at a snail's pace and creeps across the living room and up the stairs to Alex's side of the bed._

 

_She doesn't dare take off her windbreaker, the shuffle of the material might give her away, so she spreads her arms wide to alleviate all friction._

 

_Once she's near Alex, she grabs her shoulders and—_

 

_"Boo!"_

 

_"Ah!" Alex screams, she whips around and accidentally elbows Maggie in the face._

 

_"Ow!"—at the same time—"Maggie!"_

 

_Maggie slaps her hands over her nose and hunches over by the bed while Alex scrambles to her knees on the edge of it. She pulls Maggie up to her with only a little resistance and holds her face in her hands._

 

_"Let me see!"_

 

_She tries to peek under the hand Maggie's protecting her nose with, prying with her fingers and Maggie swats her away._

 

_"It hurts!"_

 

 _"Maggie, let me_ see _!"_

 

 _"Holy_ fuck _."_

 

 _"_ Maggie _."_

 

_All is still for a moment, stubborn eyes locked together._

 

_"Mags," Alex says, pleading._

 

 _She gasps when Maggie drops her hands. Alex reaches forward tentatively and holds her face in her hands, gently tilts her chin up to inspect closer._ Maggie loosely holds Alex's wrists in her hands.

 

_There's already a bruise blooming across the bridge of her flushed nose._

 

_"Oh, babe, I'm so sorry," Alex says, pecking Maggie on the lips gently, "I didn't mean to, I didn't mean to."_

 

_"I know," Maggie says, wincing and eyes pinched closed, "I know."_

 

_Alex pulls her onto the bed, and she kisses her nose, her lips, her cheek, her shoulder. She stops there and breathes a shaky breath, worry-line deep between her brows._

 

_She holds Maggie tighter. And Maggie holds her tighter._

 

_A bead of water drips from Alex's hair onto Maggie's collarbone, and its cold enough to make her shiver._

 

_"I didn't mean to hurt you."_

 

_"I know, it's okay," Maggie says, running a soothing hand down her back. She kisses the side of Alex's head, "I love you."_

 

_Alex sighs, her breath warming Maggie's body, spreading from her shoulder, up her cheeks, and down her toes._

 

_She can smell the clean linen around them. It calms her, makes her sigh._

 

_"I love you too."_

 

.

.

.

 

 

When Maggie wakes, she's only able to open one eye. She's unsure if it's the swelling or dried tears that glued closed.

 

After some poking and prodding, she determines it's the former.

 

She looks at Alex and finds her asleep. Her mouth slightly parted and her breath is fluttering a lock of hair that's fallen across her face.

 

Black veins have spread to her cheekbones and under her eyes. They're on both sides of her face now, cradling her cheeks and choking her neck.

 

Maggie feels her breath caress her face every exhale.

 

She fights the temptation to place it behind her ear.

 

For a moment, she can't stand how close she is to her.

 

How easy it is to touch her.

 

Maggie puts her forearm over her eyes as if it would dispel the feelings she has bubbling inside her.

 

But she can't deny what she wants at the same time.

 

Maggie rests a hand on Alex's back—she's laying on her stomach—and she feels the rhythm of her breathing.

 

_In. Out. In. Out..._

 

She's worried.

 

_In._

 

She loves her.

 

_Out._

 

She never stopped loving her.

 

_In—_

 

Maggie breathes a shaky breath.

 

It's the first time that Maggie's addressed those feelings in a while, months and months, almost a year. Fished from the soil Maggie buried it underneath.

 

She glances around the room.

 

It's empty, dark except for the blue light bathing them both. Maggie turns back to Alex.

 

And she finds Alex staring back at her.

 

She jumps, hand flinching away from her, shocked into a position between laying back and sitting up.

 

"Alex."

 

Suddenly, it's as if Maggie can't hear anything, Alex consuming her attention enough where all the beeps and rustling of the room have faded into nothing.

  

Maggie's not sure how long she's been staring, but it feels like an eternity. Alex hasn't blinked, and she thinks that the adrenaline in her system has made time stand still.

 

After she gathers herself, she sighs. She shifts, making the bed creak.

 

She doesn't expect Alex to speak, but she does.

 

"Am I dead?" she asks.

 

"No," Maggie whispers, maintaining eye contact while she lays back beside her, "You're alive."

 

At that, Alex looks away from Maggie's eyes and instead focusing on the thread of the pillow cradling her head, worry-line evident between her brows and eyes soft and sad, but angry all the while.

 

Maggie's heart drops so low in her chest, she gets nauseous. She’s never seen Alex like this. Vulnerable yes, sad yes, beaten and broken yes, but this? Unwilling to live? Never.

 

Always strong.

 

Something is doing this to her, and Maggie's angry at that, and all she wants is for her to be okay again. Because she never wanted Alex to feel what she feels because Alex is so, so precious to her and she wants her to be—

 

Happy.

 

She runs a hand through Alex's hair to comfort her, but also herself. Because Alex is still here, _Alex is still here._

 

She can feel her. She can feel the hand Alex is using to pull her closer. She can feel her thumb sliding across her cheek. She can feel her eyes looking so deeply into hers, disoriented but wandering.

 

Their foreheads touch, and they breathe the same air.

 

And Maggie remembers the last time they were this close.

 

 

_Maggie tilts her head up, closing the distance between their lips. And when they break apart, she looks up into Alex's eyes. They make a silent agreement._

 

_She walks back toward the bed, pulling Alex along by her shirt._

 

_She uses her grip to tug her into a kiss, but Alex was one step ahead of her, already cradling her face, luring her in for one more._

 

_No, two. Three. Four. Five. Six—_

 

 

Maggie's slightly uncomfortable with the proximity.

 

"Why can't you see it?"

 

Maggie finally hears the ticking of a clock in the room.

 

"What?"

 

Alex closes her eyes, sobbing.

 

"Alex?"

 

Alex sucks in a breath and holds it. When ten seconds pass, Maggie nudges her shoulder with a small _Hey_ ,and Alex exhales, she inhales, she exhales.

 

Maggie urges her on gently, fingers lightly pressing into the muscles of her shoulder.

 

"Alex?"

 

"I'm tired."

 

When Alex opens her eyes, they're fading, dull, pupils glazed over.

 

Goosebumps rise under every fine hair Maggie has.

 

"I'm tired. I don't want to be here anymore. I can't do it," Alex weeps.

 

 

She wishes Alex would have, back then, gone away. Sometimes she even wishes she'd never met her.

 

 

"Yes you can."

 

 

Because now...

 

 

"I don't want you to go."

 

 

It hurts.

 

 

"I want you to stay."

 

 

It hurts.

 

 

"I want you to stay with me."

 

 

_It hurts._

 

 

"Don't leave me."

 

 

 

_..._

 

 

She lulls Alex to sleep again with a hand in her hair. She follows not long after.

 

 

...

 

When she wakes up again, it's because she hears a creak coming from the other side of the room.

 

It takes seconds for Maggie's eyes to adjust to the light and see Kara's face, her eyes like a deer's caught in headlights.

 

She scurries out of there, and Maggie stares for a moment, perplexed, before deciding to chase after her.

 

Maggie sits up and untangles herself from the sheets trapping her feet as quick and soundless as she can to not wake Alex.

 

She wants to give her time in peace.

 

When she's on her feet, Maggie gently strokes a thumb over Alex's cheek before jogging out of the room. When she slips, she notices that someone had taken her shoes off, leaving her in her white socks.

 

The hallway is long enough where Kara couldn't get out of sight despite the time Maggie had taken in the room—why isn't Kara flying anyway?—so Maggie is just in time to see the Kryptonian's cape whip around the corner.

 

And Maggie breaks into a sprint.

 

"Kara, wait! Wait!"

 

She catches her by the edge of her thick cape.

 

Maggie lets go of it when she feels her halt to a stop. Kara turns to Maggie hesitantly and waits, playing with her fingers, swollen, reddened eyes gazing down to the floor.

 

Now that she had her, Maggie wasn't sure what to say.

 

"I—Um... Can we sit down?" she asks, voice low so her voice doesn't echo through the hallway.

 

Kara nods.

 

Still catching her breath, she walks Kara to the chairs lined up against the wall, and they sit down. Maggie slumps in the chair and tips her head back.

 

"I'm sorry for last night," Maggie says.

 

_It's been a day, right?_

 

_Has it been a day?_

 

"It's okay."

 

Maggie looks to her but then gazes down at her fidgeting hands.

 

"It's not."

 

She can't look at Kara as she says this because she knows it's...

 

"This is just a lot for me."

 

Kara stops, furrowing her brows, "And it.... isn't for me?" she says, not disbelieving but mystified.

 

Maggie shakes her head, "No, no. Of course it is," she says, biting her lip.

 

She pauses, unsure of how to continue.

 

"I—First, I'm sorry for what I said."

 

That makes her peek over to the detective. Kara's focus shifts from the finger tracing the patterns of her skirt to Maggie's face.

 

"I know you didn't mean anything by what you said, about being her sister. It's just an old argument and I—I just snapped at you because I was angry a-and scared," Maggie sucks in a shaky breath, "I'm scared."

 

Kara's lip wobbles, "Me too," she says.

 

Maggie reaches for her hand, and Kara intertwines their fingers together.

 

"I just—the last time I saw her... it was a goodbye. And I didn't want it to be. I... I love her _so much_."

 

Kara purses her lips, holding back the tears in her eyes.

 

"A-and I know this is hard for you, and you love her, and I have no right to feel the way I do, so it probably sounds so stupid, but I—I don't have anyone to talk to about this, and, "Maggie gasps shakily, "I didn't want to let her go, I don't want to let her go, and she almost d-died—again—but this time it's _different_. I don't know what to—"

 

Maggie's voice breaks, and then she begins to sob, breaths barely making way into her lungs.

 

"Oh, Maggie, I know."

 

Kara clutches Maggie's hand as hard as she could without hurting her, supporting and bracing at the same time.

 

"I want to help her," Maggie cries.

 

"M-me too, me too."

 

And all Maggie can do is squeeze her hand and grasp at the arm Kara wraps around her as they both break down in tears.

 

The faint beeps that had been echoing through the hall are drowned out by the sound.

 

 

 

_What are they going to do?_

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To be continued.
> 
> ...
> 
> _Hi, I'm here to excersise my writing skills and explore the dark and gritty._
> 
> _P.S. I'd love some feedback. Let me know if you have any thoughts. :)_


	5. If You Were Gone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She doesn't think she can take more of this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING: Suicidal thoughts and graphic depictions of self-harm. Scenes will be marked. **•••**

 

 

 

_"How long are you going to be gone?"_

 

_"Just three days, I'll be back by Monday."_

 

_Alex is haphazardly packing her suitcase. It's on the bed, and she's going through each of her drawers and tossing the bare minimum of what she needs into it. And Maggie, knowing that Alex's clothes won't all fit piled up like it is, begins to compact her clothes for her. Folding everything neatly and organizing other items using different pockets._

 

_Alex searches for a pair of jeans to pull up her legs. She finds some in seconds, and then she grabs a couple of black military pants carelessly tosses them over her shoulder right into the suitcase._

 

_"Alex! It's not going to fit like that!" Maggie laughs, but at the same time, she's just a tad annoyed that Alex hasn't gotten that when she can see her fixing it._

 

_Flustered, Alex scrambles over to fold her pants in tight rolls and pack them into a free corner in her suitcase._

 

_"Sorry! I'm just—I'm in a rush!"_

 

_"For what?" Maggie asks, zipping the bag closed when Alex presses to top down to keep it from popping open. "Your personal jet doesn't punch out of work for another three hours."_

 

_Alex pouts, " I wanted to finish this quick so I could spend time with you."_

 

Ugh, God.

 

_Maggie points a finger in Alex's face, brows raised in warning._

 

_"You stop that right now. Don't make me cry."_

 

_Alex pulls the hand in front of her and uses it to draw Maggie to her._

 

_They're chest to chest now, and Maggie can feel Alex's heartbeat against hers through her tee. She rests her head on her shoulder._

 

_"Are you going to miss me?" she mutters softly. Sincerely._

 

_Maggie takes a slow breath through her nose._

 

_She had just wrapped a case that took forever to close. She and Alex have been apart for practically the two and a half weeks. And now, Alex has her own business to tend to. And that's fine, but..._

 

_Gently, Maggie kisses her and pulls away only a few centimeters—she can still feel the warmth radiating from Alex's flushed cheeks—and loosely cages Alex between her legs. Maggie twines Alex's fingers with hers and lazily twirls the engagement ring on Alex's finger._

 

_"I always miss you when you're not with me."_

 

.

.

.

 

It takes a half hour for them to run out of tears.

 

Alex shot herself just yesterday.

 

Yesterday.

 

It's felt like an eternity since then to Maggie.

 

It was as if time had slowed down just so she could feel it all every hour, every minute, every second of the day.

 

While Kara spends time with her sister at her bedside, Maggie steps out of Alex's room into the hall to make a call. Somehow, despite what's happened, she has the courtesy to call her boss to tell her what's going on—a family emergency and nothing more. She's bombarded with condolences too specific to be general. Maggie wasn't too surprised. News traveled fast around the precinct, especially when there were so many witnesses.

 

Plus, while Rodriguez is sweet, he has a big mouth when he's concerned.

 

_You're rambling to yourself._

 

Maggie sits down on the chair across from Kara and massages her temples trying to ease a migraine she's developed in the past hour.

 

Despite her cat nap next to Alex a few hours ago, Maggie still feels high-strung. And while she's no longer hallucinating, She can't exactly think straight. It's been almost two days since Maggie was called into work. Three since Maggie's had a good night's sleep under the covers. And God, does she need some sleep.

 

But she can't stop herself from staying awake to make sure Alex is still alive and kicking. With her.

 

Alex first. Always.

 

Maggie hears a few taps on the open door behind her, she turns.

 

"Knock, knock."

 

Maggie smiles a small smile when she sees Winn at the door.

 

"Winn."

 

She heaves up on her feet to walk over to him, but he's already in front of her in a few strides, so she doesn't take one step. He opens his arms and embraces her gently, and Maggie's eyes water at his carefulness. She hugs him tight, in need of a grounding pressure, and he returns it with gusto.

 

"I missed you."

 

"Missed you too."

 

They sway for a good fifteen seconds before they let go of each other.

 

Maggie sighs, tired eyes looking up to Winn's own.

 

"So. What's the plan?" Kara asks, and Maggie startles, but quickly nods to her and looks back to Winn.

 

"We rest."

 

_What?_

 

"What? No!" at the same time, Kara insists, "We don't have that kind of time."

 

"Alex will still be with us after a good night's sleep. Besides, we _all_ need it."

 

Maggie clenches her eyes shut, and she holds back a growl. She knows he's right, she can't bite his head off. Something between a gasp and sigh slips from her mouth, and she drags a hand over her face, wincing when she puts too much pressure over her eye.

 

"I need... I need to go."

 

...

She goes to the showers.

 

Maggie's spent enough time at the DEO to know it like the back of her hand, so she gets there in minutes.

 

She swiftly strips herself of her clothes and closes the curtain behind her when she's in the stall. She twists the knob almost all the way and lets the scalding water melt the tension that has riddled itself beneath her skin.

 

She takes comfort in the familiar sound of the water hitting the stainless steel floors.

 

For no reason at all, at least that's what she thinks, she begins to sob. And soft as they may be, the sound of the shower water isn't loud enough to drown them out.

 

A half hour passes by the time Maggie stops the water. She pulls the towel over the rung and presses it to her face, and she can feel it catch the rivulets coming down from her hair, soaked black. She leans against the cold wall, the contrasting temperature shocking her naked skin. She lets the sharp coldness spread through her veins.

 

Five minutes there she spends in silence. But it doesn't feel like it to her.

 

Then, Maggie whips the towel around her shoulders and dries the rest of her body mechanically.

 

She goes to Alex's locker and fights the tears that burn her eyes when she finds that the combination is still the same—May 2nd, their first I love you's—and snatches the clothes Alex had always left for her in case of emergency. And, O _h my God_ , everything's still _there_.

 

She mindlessly shucks the heavy sweatpants up her legs and throws the crewneck on, black and on-brand.

 

She clicks Alex's locker closed and rests her forehead on the chilled metal.

 

Maggie counts to four, filling her lungs and exhales through her mouth shakily.

 

Breathe. Breathe. Just breathe.

 

...

 

Maggie bumps into J'onn on the way back to Alex's room. She calls to him, a soft 'Hey.'

 

Without a word, he pulls her close and wraps her in a warm embrace, one arm around her shoulder and the other around her waist.

 

There's been a severe lack of them these days, so she tries to memorize the feeling. J'onn's warmth warms her, and she can feel his heart beat against her cheek.

 

Maggie remembers when Alex's lulled her to sleep almost every night.

 

"I'm sorry."

 

She isn't sure what he's apologizing for. Maybe because he knows how Maggie must have felt after the breakup. Maybe because he knows how lonely her life has been without him—without them. Maybe because of what happened, or how she feels now. Maybe it's all of that at the same time. But even though Maggie doesn't know, his sorrowful words make tears prick at her eyes all the same.

 

 _Get a hold of yourself, Jesus Christ,_ Maggie thinks.

 

She's done a lot of crying today.

 

She tightens her grip, and she hopes just that tells J'onn how much she's missed him.

 

J'onn pulls back, and Maggie thinks he's about to say something until—

 

He stiffens, and a second later, Maggie hears Kara shout.

 

"Stop! Stop! Alex, _stop_!"

 

J'onn has already flown halfway down the hall before Maggie has the sense to sprint in the same direction, heart in her throat.

 

•••

 

When she gets to the door, she sees Alex rip an earring out of her ear—intentionally or not, she doesn't know— and with a sudden gush, it starts to bleed.

 

Kara latches onto her wrists and doesn't let go, so Alex starts to kick at her. Kara dodges as best she can so Alex doesn't get injured.

 

"Get away from me!"

 

Maggie goes to help, but J'onn pushes her back, so hard she almost tumbles to the floor.

 

Maggie balances herself before she busts her ass and looks at him bewildered, mind going a million miles a second. "What the _fuck_?" she shouts.

 

J'onn pins Alex's legs down, and Maggie watches as Alex gets hysterical.

 

"Find Dr. Hamilton," he says, "We have her."

 

"Dr. Hamilton has a fucking pager, so there's no need," she hisses.

 

"You—"

 

_Thud._

 

A gasp.

 

Maggie looks away from J'onn to the head of the bed.

 

Alex cracks her head onto the side railings.

 

_Thud._

"Maggie!" Kara shouts, "Her head! Alex, stop!"

 

_Move, move, move._

 

"Make it stop," Alex cries, delirious and unhinged. "Make it stop, make it stop..."

 

•••

 

Maggie restrains Alex's head from moving as best she can from behind the bed. She presses her cheek to the side of Alex's head.

 

For the first time in fifteen years—since after the breakup, if she's being honest to herself—she starts to pray.

 

_Make it stop._

 

_Make it stop._

 

_Make it stop._

 

Maggie only realizes Dr. Hamilton has made it into the room when she sees a long needle coming towards her.

 

She watches as Dr. Hamilton puncture Alex's skin.

 

Push the plunger.

 

And inject the sedative right into the vein of Alex's neck.

 

Maggie looks down her body, to her restrained limbs and witnesses it take effect.

 

She hears Alex's breathing slow down and feels Alex go limp.

 

She's out in less than thirty seconds.

 

There's silence in the room.

 

Maggie pulls herself up and stares at Alex's face. She follows the black veins all the way to Alex's upper arms.

 

It's getting worse.

 

...

 

"I have to go to the Fortress of Solitude. Now."

 

They're gathered just outside of Alex's room. They speak just above whispers.

 

Kara stands firm a hurricane in her eyes, but Maggie can see the hesitance in her stance.

 

J'onn nods in agreeance. "We can't do any more for her here. Not without information about what's affecting her." He looks into Winn's eyes. Maggie's—she nods. Kara's. "Be quick, and have a clear head. We'll watch over her."

 

Winn, J'onn, and Maggie share one last hug with Kara before she jumps over the balcony and shoots off into the sky.

 

And now, it's a waiting game.

 

...

 

Winn and J'onn go to the control room to try and unearth any information about the parasite right after Kara leaves.

 

Maggie thinks it's a waste of time since Kara's sure to find something about the parasite at the fortress of solitude. She presumes it makes them feel like they're doing something to help. Maybe they are.

 

Unlike them, she decides to stay at Alex's side to watch her.

 

She stares at her, waiting for something to happen.

 

For her to magically get better.

 

So they can...

 

 

 

_"We can't be together."_

 

 

 

Maggie feels a burning sensation in her belly. It spreads into her limbs, up her neck, and to her face.

 

The sudden adrenaline makes her stand, bury her hands in her hair, and start pacing around the room.

 

Maggie's glad that no one's around to see her when takes her phone and hurl it to the wall.

 

The glass shatters scatter all over the floor.

 

Maggie frantically sweeps what she finds together with her hands and throws it in the garbage in the bathroom.

 

Maggie leaves the door open when she marches out of the room.

  
...

 

An hour passes.

 

J'onn, Maggie, and Winn are gathered around the round table in the middle of the DEO when Kara flies through the balcony. She lands in front of them, hair windblown and her face pale.

 

Maggie notices her demeanor immediately.

 

"What's wrong?" she asks.

 

The air shifts.

 

A breath.

 

"Kara," J'onn says, "What do we need to do?"

 

Kara looks up, lips white and slack.

 

She purses her lips, her eyes water, and her chin dimples.

 

_No, no, no._

 

Maggie doesn't want to know what comes next.

 

She doesn't, but she does.

 

So she steels herself, and she listens.

 

"We have to kill her."

 

 

 

 

Maggie's ears ring.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To be continued.
> 
> ...
> 
> _Hi, I'm here to excersise my writing skills and explore the dark and gritty._
> 
> _If anyone has any tips on getting over writer's block, I'd love to hear them. :) Also! Hoped you liked the chapter._


	6. At Wits' End

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's only one thing we can do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING: Suicidal thoughts and graphic depictions of self-harm. Scenes will be marked. **•••**

Maggie white-knuckles the rim of the toilet, heaving twice before another bout of bile rushes up and out her esophagus.

 

Dr. Hamilton had taken a catecholamine blood test and a few others, comparing the results to the samples she’d taken just before and after Alex’s body was infiltrated. The results showed that the parasite has been feeding off of four specific chemicals.

 

Dopamine, Oxytocin, Serotonin, and Endorphins.

 

The parasite wasn’t killing Alex.

 

It was prompting Alex to kill herself.

 

Maggie vomits again, and her hand fists at the fabric of her shirt, trying and failing to calm painful contractions around her stomach.

 

When it stops, Maggie groans pitifully and rests her temple on the side of the toilet, expelling the thoughts of how unsanitary this all is as far from her mind as she can. Not willing to lose another battle with her body, she carefully takes deep breaths in through her nose and out her mouth, hoping her stomach would settle.

 

When ten minutes pass, she feels like she’s in the clear. She stands on her knees and pulls the lever of the toilet down, flushing it— _and damn, what a waste of water_. After everything’s gone down the pipes, she sits back and lets herself tumble back into the wall behind her. When she has the strength, she pushes herself off the floor and stands, making her way over to the sink, twisting the faucet handles.

 

She coughs, gagging as she spits out the last remnant of mucus in her throat. The water washes it away. She cups the water in her hands and slurps at it, rinsing her mouth and spitting back into the sink.

 

Crying and teary-eyed, she laughs a bit maniacally, asking herself in the mirror, “What kind of _The Happening_ shit is this?”

 

Maggie looks away from her reflection and leans her elbows on the sink, cradling her head in her hands. She breathes steadily, focusing on the sound of the water rushing out of the faucet. Her fingers tangle into her hair, and she thinks about Alex.

 

She tilts her head back and looks up at the ceiling. “Don’t do this to me. Please, please, _please_ don’t do this to me.”

 

The vent starts to rumble, and she can barely hear the echo of her pleads ring back into her ears.

 

Maggie squeezes her eyes shut and brings her bottom lip into her mouth.

 

_In and out. In and out._

 

She twists the faucet handles back, halting the flow of water. She stares as a few stray drops drip from the rim and plop to the bottom of the sink.

 

_Plink. Plink-plink._

 

Maggie slams the door to the bathroom behind her.

 

. . .

 

Maggie shuffles into Alex’s hospital room quietly. She’s careful not to let the door creak, as if not to stir Alex from her sleep.

 

As if she's not in a medically induced coma.

 

She finds Kara’s already in the room, holding Alex’s hand.

 

The _beeps_ of the monitor are as rhythmic as a metronome. And just like one, each beep winds a ball of stress in Maggie’s chest. She knows Kara’s still upset, but...

 

_Beep._

 

They’re running out of time. Maggie knows it. They all do.

 

 _Beep_.

 

Kara lifts her gaze to Maggie, and her eyes are dark, tired.

 

“Hey,” Maggie says.

 

 _Beep_. It goes on.

 

Kara doesn’t say anything. She just looks down, her hair curtaining her face and hiding her expression from where Maggie stood. Kara lifts her arm, and from what Maggie could conclude, she wipes at her tears.

 

“Kara?”

 

Maggie takes a few steps forward, approaching her as carefully as she could. “I know that this is hard, but we have to—”

 

Kara’s voice is gravelly. “I’m going.”

 

Maggie shakes her head in confusion. “What? You don’t have to—”

 

Maggie doesn’t even get to finish, Kara brushes by her shoulder in seconds. Her head turns, and she watches as Kara stalks out of the room, cape whirling behind her. Maggie blinks, staring after the door.

 

Maggie walks over and shuts it.

 

She takes the chair Kara had been in and quietly rolls it closer to Alex’s bedside before locking the wheels in place. She takes Alex’s hand and examines the large red bruises on Alex’s face. The bandage on her ear. She leans in.

 

Her nose isn’t met with the familiar smell of Alex’s lotion or body wash, but instead, with an unsettling mixture of alcohol, latex, and the metallic smell that always permeated the DEO.

 

She frowns and shuts her eyes.

 

.

.

.

 

_Maggie kisses the bandages on Alex’s wrist sweetly, takes her watch from the side table, and wraps it gently around the bandages, hiding them crudely. When Maggie releases Alex’s wrist, Alex lets it fall limply to her lap. Maggie flinches._

 

_Alex chuckles wetly. “Out of sight, out of mind, huh?”_

 

 _Maggie shakes her head. “_ No _,” she says, and at that, Alex looks at Maggie, a bit confused. Maggie goes on, “No._ Not _out of mind.”_

 

_Alex bites her lips and looks down, ashamed. Maggie instantly realizes this and tilts Alex’s head up with a finger under her chin. “Hey, no. I’m not mad. I’m not mad, okay?”_

 

_“I’m sorry.”_

 

_“You don’t have to be sorry.” Maggie takes Alex’s face with both of her hands on her cheeks, pulling her close enough so their foreheads touch.“I don’t want you to forget. I want you to get through this. I want you to fight this. I want to help you fight this. And forgetting? That’s not going to help you.”_

 

 _Alex’s lips curl downward, shaking her head, eyes full of tears and nose dripping. “I feel so_ s-stupid _.”_

 

 _Maggie wipes some of those tears away, but they don’t stop coming. “You’re not_ stupid _, Alex. You have to cut yourself some slack, you’re_ human _.” Alex’s head falls into her shoulder, and Maggie can feel her shaking. She runs her_ _hand up and down her back, hoping to bring any comfort to her. “I want you to fight this. And when you can’t, I’ll fight for you. I’ve got you, always.”_

 

_Alex cries into her shoulder through the night, and not even sound of the rain barraging the window can drown her cries._

 

.

.

.

 

Maggie sweeps Alex’s hair aside and plants a kiss to her forehead.

 

“I’ve got you.”

 

She whispers it like a promise.

 

. . .

 

Maggie’s doesn’t get a say about their next step. She doesn’t know why.

 

It’s a load of _bullshit_.

 

That’s what this _all_ is.

 

Alex is a survivor. She’s dealt with her own demons. She’s been shot into the atmosphere—twice—and has come back in one piece. She’s been held at gunpoint a thousand times. She’s been in the middle of explosions. Against aliens twice the size of her. Outnumbered. All those things and everything in between. The list goes on and on.

 

And she goes down because of a bug?

 

Fuck that. _Fuck. That._

 

They’re in the control center. Her, Winn, and Kara. Maggie’s hunched over in a computer chair she stole from an unoccupied desk. Her arms rest on her knees while her head hangs low.

 

She lifts her fingers to her mouth, and when she notices her nails are already chewed down past a painful length, she takes in a breath and sits up, flipping her hair out of her face and blinking the dryness from her eyes.

 

“Anything, Winn?” she asks, already knowing the answer.

 

But _maybe_ if Kara _hears_ it enough…

 

A few feet to the side of her, he taps away on his keyboard, his face lightly illuminated by the bright blue emitting from his computer screens. He doesn't turn to her as he answers.

 

 _Tik-tik-tik._ “No.”

 

Maggie sighs loudly through her nose, pushing on her knees and standing up.

 

Kara glares at her for a moment, then walks up to his space and grips the back of his seat. “It’s okay. We’ll find something. Just… just keep looking,” she says, and Maggie can’t help but roll her eyes in frustration.

 

When Kara turns away from them, Winn looks at Maggie, eyes troubled, and she knows that they’re on the same page.

 

' _No_ .' That's what it's been for the entire time. It’s not going to change. They can't find anything. And _of course_ they can’t. The only information that _was_ was from the Fortress of Solitude. And what did that give?

 

_“We have to kill her.”_

 

The billions of files in the DEO database has and will still have nothing no matter how many time Winn sweeps through the system—despite Kara’s insistence that ‘There _had_ to be something!’

 

Winn still looking? Fucking useless. There was nothing else to _look for_.

 

Maggie _wants_ to stay positive. She _does_ . Because she _can't_ lose hope, and she _cannot_ lose _Alex_. But, they’ve run out of options.

 

Right now, Alex had nothing but a _death sentence_ going for her.

 

And the fact stares them all in the face like a giant pink elephant in the room.

 

And Kara’s the only one who can’t— _won’t_ —acknowledge it.

 

. . .

 

Maggie’s boots scuff the floor as she walks down a hall she’s all too familiar with.

 

 

She stops in front of a door, and without her footsteps echoing through the hall, she can hear the buzz of the blue lights above her. She lifts a hand to the engraved metal frame.

 

_Department of Extranormal Operations_

_Director J’onn J’onzz_

 

She knocks, and in seconds, a small and sleek contraption comes out of a pocket in the door. A red beam scans her face, and a second later, the door hisses and slides into the crevice into the wall. Behind that, there’s a regular old door with a tall window. She can see J’onn behind it.

 

She turns the knob.

 

J’onn looks up from a spread of papers on his desk.

 

“Maggie.”

 

“J’onn.”

 

He squints at her and then looks back down at his desk. He straightens the pages and gathers them into a single pile. “You want to talk about something,” he says, “I’m just not entirely sure what about.”

 

Maggie gives him a wry smile. “Yes you do.”

 

J’onn crosses his arms, relenting and nodding slowly. “Alex.”

 

“Yes.”

 

“And her condition.”

 

“Yes.” Maggie leans forward and folds her arms on top of the desk. Having accidentally nudged the nameplate, she straightens it mindlessly. She follows the grain of the sleek wood to J’onns hands, now fisted on the tabletop.

 

“We’re wasting time,” Maggie states, and J’onn sighs.

 

“I know.”

 

“You know.” Maggie leans back, looking at him. “Then what are Winn and Kara doing downstairs? When you _know_.”

 

“Maggie...”

 

“We have to _do_ something. You saw. You heard what Dr. Hamilton said.”

 

"I know,” he rasps. “But I’ve lost my family—daughters, before. On Mars.” He looks into Maggie’s eyes, eyebrows drawn together. “I’m not ready to lose another."

 

Maggie looks down at the floor for a moment before meeting his gaze again.

 

"We’re still losing her now, aren’t we?”

 

J’onn’s chair creaks as he leans back, gazing at the wall.

 

“We are.”

 

Maggie sits silently, wanting to give him time to think, to breathe. She hopes it was enough when she decides to speak.

 

"I have an idea."

 

J'onn tilts his head toward her, thoughtful in his movements. “I'm listening.”

 

For a moment, Maggie looks away, remembering the sound of the rain against Alex’s bedroom window.

 

. . .

 

After J’onn, she tells Winn. Together, they persuade Kara off the database. And then, they gather together in J'onn's office.

 

The meeting doesn’t go as Maggie planned, and Maggie doesn’t even have the chance to tell Kara the specifics before she blows up at her.

 

“Absolutely not,” Kara spits. She turns to J’onn, cheeks red. “How _could_ you even go through with this?”

 

“I’m sorry, Kara, but she’s right. We’ve exhausted all of our resources. There is absolutely no other data about that species or what to do if it invades the body. What you were given at the Fortress of Solitude, what little we’ve gotten from Hamilton, it’s all we have.”

 

“So we give up. So we _murder_ her.”

 

“Of _course not_ ,” he gruffs.

 

“We’re not killing her permanently. We’re just—”

 

Kara scoffs in disbelief, looking at Maggie with wild eyes. "Are you hearing yourself? You’re _insane_.”

 

“Kara,” J’onn scolds, and Maggie holds up a hand at him.

 

“Well, then what do you suggest we do? Have her in a medically induced coma for the rest of her life?”

 

“No!”

 

Maggie throws her hands out in exasperation. “Then _what_ , Kara? There is nothing else we can _do_ for her!”

 

“I don’t _know_!”

 

Winn flits his gaze nervously between them, lip wobbling.

 

"What would we even _do_ , snap her _neck_? Even with the technology we have, there's no way to come back from that!" Kara says, "We're not—w-we’re not doing it! We’re not killing her!"

 

Maggie ignores the question. "You’ve seen the tests. What it’s doing? It’s not magically reversible. And it will _not_ let her rest. Conscious or unconscious. Letting her live like this? _That_ is what will kill her.”

 

Kara shakes her head and turns away from Maggie and to the wall. "There _has_ to be another option."

 

"There _is_ no other _option_ , Kara!" Maggie screams, and Kara turns to her, startled. Maggie's voice cracks, and to keep her tears at bay, she looks up and takes a deep breath. "You can’t ignore the facts anymore. We don't know what we're dealing with. There is _nothing else_ . Hamilton said there is _nothing_ she can do."

 

Kara presses her lips together.

 

" _Trust me_ , this time."

 

Maggie sees something in her shift.

 

Winn steps to Kara’s side. “We love Alex,” he says. “We all want what’s best for her. And I know… I know this pill is hard to swallow, but… I think it’s the only way.” He looks down at his tablet and then back to Kara. “If… if Maggie’s idea works… she can come back.”

 

Maggie curls her hands into fists. Winn’s Kara’s best friend, and she only hopes that this will be the straw that breaks the camel’s back.

 

"Okay..." Kara says, and Maggie sighs in relief. "Okay." She curls her fingers in her sleeves, and it's so quiet, Maggie can hear the fabric rustle. She glances between her, Winn, and J’onn. “What... So what do we have to do?"

 

“We can't use drugs to... to, um,” Maggie stops, wiping at her lip, “We can't use drugs to put Alex down or slow her heartbeat. We don't know if it's sentient, and how intelligent it is if so. It might notice we're trying to pull a fast one. It’s connected to her brain, somehow.”

 

Winn picks up where she trails off. “So… we have to emulate a clinical death in another way,” he mutters, unable to look Kara in the eyes.

 

Maggie nods in confirmation, glancing at him.

 

“Alex has to die.” She bites her lip. "For two to three minutes and not _one millisecond_ above that or we risk hypoxia. Her brain will be damaged, permanently. If it’s even still at one hundred percent.”

 

“And so?”

 

Maggie crosses her arms, bracing herself.

 

She speaks clear.

 

“We have to drown her.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To be continued.
> 
> ...
> 
> _Hi, I'm here to excersise my writing skills and explore the dark and gritty._
> 
> ...
> 
> _Long time no see, sorry 'bout the wait. I want to thank the loevely yolo2158 for helping me through the bits I was stuck on on this chapter. :) Thoughts?_


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